Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Doctor "P", Puppies, and Did Somebody Say "Brain Shivers"

Finally, I met with Doctor "P" on Saturday. After a 2 hour session, I walked out with new prescriptions in hand feeling hopeful (Insert Canned Laughter). God knows I can't laugh myself.

We are doing a "direct switch" in order to get me off of the Side-Effexor and to minimize the withdrawal symptoms. What this means is that I substituted my 150mg of Effexor with 40mg Celexa to help with the SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome.

This experience feels more like an exorcism, and I am worried that when everyone yells "Praise Jesus!", "Hail Mary, Mother of God.",or "Long Live the Flying Spaghetti Monster!" and I open my eyes, soaked with sweat, dried vomit on my chin..I will discover that the body count I have left behind will be too many for me to bare.

PUPPY! After doing a quick Google search for "exorcism" images to insert here...I was so damned disturbed I had to Google "Puppy". So yaaay...Puppy!

I am a heinous bitch (aka "agitated"), exhausted, irrational, dizzy, tired, experiencing some depersonalization, having "brain shivers", having shock-like sensations that involve me actually seeing lightening-bolts behind my eyes, I can't focus, my nightmares are more graphic and violent than ever and the thoughts of cutting...burning...eating until I explode are starting to run my life.

On top of all of this comes the guilt I feel for putting Em through this. She deserves better...much better. I made her cry last night. Not good people...not good at all. As a result of the guilt, I dream nightly of my engagement ring crumbling and Emily telling me she has other plans for August 1.

So....yeah...still super-disturbed by my Google search (Seriously...super fucked up). So yaaay..PUPPY TIME!

No comments:

Post a Comment