I look fabulous in a snappy shoe and even better with a sassy new haircut, but how well can I wear "positive"? I am not sure if I have ever been an overly positive person. Don't get me wrong, I can fake it like a champ, but it is rare that I am not depressed, anxious, worrying about tomorrow, worrying about the next minute etc. So for a bit, I am going to hang up my Sparkly Queen Tierra and focus on bettering my life. You know...getting healthy emotionally and physically. Learning to love myself, so others may love me (I just threw up in my mouth a little.) Wish me luck and cheer me on!
Sparkles & Sass-
The Sparkly Queen
WWW.CRUNCHESANDCUPCAKES.BLOGSPOT.COM
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Friday, October 22, 2010
Not That Kind of Coke
About a year ago, my blog was discovered by the VP or SVP...something like that...of my organization through a random link on fucking Facebook. I hate fucking Facebook.
I'll pause here for the shock and awe that comes with such blasphemy.
He thought it might send the "wrong message" to some key partners and "highly suggested" that I remove the filthiness that it contained forever. So, I pulled it offline but never had the heart to delete the file. It was a year of my life. A hard year of working through some serious shit, and it was my safe-place...my outlet...my place to let it all out and no longer hide my shame. So, here I am a year later (or something like that) in need of some serious sharing...and screaming. I have uploaded my old posts and will begin writing again.
So much has happened since my last post, but I don't think I will spend my time tonight reliving what has been; instead, I need to share some news that I received today. My brother is in jail. Not the I got caught with a little pot over-night stay kind of jail...but the I got caught selling cocaine within 1000 ft of a school Class 'A' felony kind of jail. From what I understand this carries a minimum of 20 years. He just turned 26 on October 11. He will miss his son's school years, he will miss the birth of my first child, he will miss the funeral of my Papaw. He will miss so much.
I forgot to call him on his birthday. Now I can't call him at all. He is alone, and there is nothing I can do to help him. To those of you who say, "he got what he deserved", I say go fuck yourself! This life was chosen for him by parents long ago. He made a mistake...he has made many...and he will pay dearly with his life and the loss of his child. This is not justice. Justice would be my father being in jail for using my brother as his cover. Justice would be finally getting my brother the counseling and rehab he needs. Justice would be a fresh start. But the world is not just my friends. My heart is aching for him. I know he is scared, confused, ashamed, and so many other things I probably cannot comprehend. Please pray for him. Please ask God to show him mercy...to give him an opportunity to truly live his life...to be a father...to be my brother. I need him in my life. I raised him and protected him until he was 13. I feel so very helpless. It makes me hate my father. I want the guilt to rot his insides, but it won't. The only thing making him squirm is the thought that my brother might tell them where the "main office" of his business really is. Michigan Street anyone? My father will throw him under the bus so fast and not think twice. Why am I not a lawyer? Why don't I have a single lawyer friend? I've got an eye doctor and lots of teacher buddies but what in the hell can they do but hand me a tissue when I cry. Honestly, they don't really seem to have the compassion to even fucking do that. I'M JUST SO FUCKING PISSED OFF! I need someone to blame and someone to fix it. Anyone want to take the lead here?
I'll pause here for the shock and awe that comes with such blasphemy.
He thought it might send the "wrong message" to some key partners and "highly suggested" that I remove the filthiness that it contained forever. So, I pulled it offline but never had the heart to delete the file. It was a year of my life. A hard year of working through some serious shit, and it was my safe-place...my outlet...my place to let it all out and no longer hide my shame. So, here I am a year later (or something like that) in need of some serious sharing...and screaming. I have uploaded my old posts and will begin writing again.
So much has happened since my last post, but I don't think I will spend my time tonight reliving what has been; instead, I need to share some news that I received today. My brother is in jail. Not the I got caught with a little pot over-night stay kind of jail...but the I got caught selling cocaine within 1000 ft of a school Class 'A' felony kind of jail. From what I understand this carries a minimum of 20 years. He just turned 26 on October 11. He will miss his son's school years, he will miss the birth of my first child, he will miss the funeral of my Papaw. He will miss so much.
I forgot to call him on his birthday. Now I can't call him at all. He is alone, and there is nothing I can do to help him. To those of you who say, "he got what he deserved", I say go fuck yourself! This life was chosen for him by parents long ago. He made a mistake...he has made many...and he will pay dearly with his life and the loss of his child. This is not justice. Justice would be my father being in jail for using my brother as his cover. Justice would be finally getting my brother the counseling and rehab he needs. Justice would be a fresh start. But the world is not just my friends. My heart is aching for him. I know he is scared, confused, ashamed, and so many other things I probably cannot comprehend. Please pray for him. Please ask God to show him mercy...to give him an opportunity to truly live his life...to be a father...to be my brother. I need him in my life. I raised him and protected him until he was 13. I feel so very helpless. It makes me hate my father. I want the guilt to rot his insides, but it won't. The only thing making him squirm is the thought that my brother might tell them where the "main office" of his business really is. Michigan Street anyone? My father will throw him under the bus so fast and not think twice. Why am I not a lawyer? Why don't I have a single lawyer friend? I've got an eye doctor and lots of teacher buddies but what in the hell can they do but hand me a tissue when I cry. Honestly, they don't really seem to have the compassion to even fucking do that. I'M JUST SO FUCKING PISSED OFF! I need someone to blame and someone to fix it. Anyone want to take the lead here?
Thursday, September 3, 2009
MAY?! I can't believe my last post was in May. I guess I have been a little busy...
- I lived at the University of Houston for 8 weeks.
- I moved...twice.
- I turned 30.
- I got married.
- I had my name changed.
- I went on my honeymoon...1 week in beautiful Hawaii.
Monday, May 18, 2009
In Memory of Our Dirty-Word Poetry Magnets
Emily and I have decided that since we are getting married it is time to move on to the next phase of our lives...you know the one...the more mature phase where we go to bed at 9pm, start wearing granny-panties, and get rid of the dirty-word poetry magnets on our fridge. Ahhh...how I will miss the endless hours spent staring at the fridge in my thong, late at night, writing filthy poetry. Here are just a few of my favorites.
ODE TO EMILY
YOU SAY PENIS - I SAY VAJAY-JAY
THE HOO-HOO
THE ORAL EXAM
STRAPPING IT ON
Oh...dirty-word poetry magnets....
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Random Bits and Favors
My mom's surgeon called this morning at 7:00 am...no cancer. With those words my chest got a little lighter. Today is a really good day. I feel a little more free to continue and enjoy my life and more prepared to get things back on track. Trust me, there is a lot to get back on track..
Wedding preparations
Packing for our move on May 28
Facilitation of a new staff training
Conference calls
Checking-in with my staff members
Getting ready to leave for and help run the 8 week 24/7 training that I have worked all year to prepare for
Working out with my trainer
My health, diet, and weight (so tired of bitching about this one)
Hunting the lizard in our apartment
Getting my tan on...
The list goes on, but even at this point I am bored with myself. Anyways...speaking of the wedding, we finally landed on a favor for the the guests. Beautiful glass wine stoppers from http://www.beau-coup.com/. I really think they will be the perfect gift given that my future mother-in-love will be preparing a 5 course dinner w/ wine pairings. I know...she is super-fabulous.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Hide & Seek
I am still in hiding. Today I am hiding from the doctor...oh and my personal trainer. I am supposed to call his office today for my mom's test results (the doctor's...not the personal trainer's.) I totally do not feel ready. Not that my readiness has any impact at all on the cancer that may or may not be inside of my mother.
I am not ready to hear that it is in fact cancer, but I'm also not prepared to hear that it is not. No...I do not wish for my mother to have cancer, but what I do want is an answer for her deterioration that goes beyond the drug use. I need for her suffering and my mourning to stop...I need an ending. I am constantly mourning the loss of my mother, and the reality is that I lost her a long time ago. I need to stop hiding in this dark mourning dress. When I finally do make it through the layers of black silk and french netting what will I find? According to my personal trainer a pretty hot bod...that is, if I'd stop hiding from him. But beyond the string bikini....will I find relief...happiness...comfort...myself?
I am not ready to hear that it is in fact cancer, but I'm also not prepared to hear that it is not. No...I do not wish for my mother to have cancer, but what I do want is an answer for her deterioration that goes beyond the drug use. I need for her suffering and my mourning to stop...I need an ending. I am constantly mourning the loss of my mother, and the reality is that I lost her a long time ago. I need to stop hiding in this dark mourning dress. When I finally do make it through the layers of black silk and french netting what will I find? According to my personal trainer a pretty hot bod...that is, if I'd stop hiding from him. But beyond the string bikini....will I find relief...happiness...comfort...myself?
Monday, May 11, 2009
The Day After Mother's Day
When things get too difficult, I tend to hide...even from my blog it seems. My mom is really sick again. She is down to 80 lbs, so frail and had surgery on Tuesday. An ulcer ruptured on her esophagus causing bacteria to leak into her chest cavity. In short, she had to have her esophagus removed, and we are waiting to here if it is cancer. Em and I spent last week in Indiana with my mom in the hospital. Today is our first day back to work, which is difficult. It was so hard to leave her behind. She was so scared and still confused about what was going on. So that's the update. Didn't this blog used to be funny...or a least a little bit funny?
In the spirit of funny...this always makes me laugh.
In the spirit of funny...this always makes me laugh.
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