Welcome to 2009

Dear Reader(s)-

HAPPY NEW YEAR! The next 365 days of 2009 should be pretty interesting given that I will be...

1. Turning thirty. Yes...the big 3 - 0.
   
2. Getting married.


3. Legally changing my last name.


4. Piercing my labia majora.

Ok...number 4 was a lie...I just wanted to use the the words "labia" and "majora."

With that said, I feel the need to be super cliche and kick-off my year of blogs in 2009 by listing my resolutions...drum roll please!

1. PAY OFF MY DEBT: Of course this does not include my school loans or car, but close enough. I will also start saving, and I will stick to my budget.

2. GET HEALTHY, FIT, & SVELTE: I recently came to the realization that my grandmother died at 53 of heart-failure, and my mom lost her damn mind before she even made it to 50. I don't want to be dead or crazy-town-USA in 20 years or so big that I have to be cut out of my own house like that woman in the movie What's Eating Gilbert Grape. I will change my lifestyle not for the opportunity to wear that slutty-out-of-style tube-top I bought on clearance for $10 at American Eagle back in 1998, but I will do it because I want to live a very long life for myself, for Emily, and the family we will one day have.

3. TALK LESS - PRAY MORE: Enough said.

4. COMMIT TO MY GROWTH IN IN AL-ANON: It's so totally way beyond time for that.

5. LOVE EMILY FIERCELY EVERYDAY: I am so blessed to have Emily in my life. I will never take a single day for granted.

6. USE THE WORDS "NO" TO MORE DRAMA AND "YES" TO MORE SEX: Ahhh..chica-chica ;)

7. TRY SOMETHING NEW: This could be anything from writing my memoir to brushing my teeth 3 times a day instead of 2.

Wish me luck, and I look forward to sharing my year with you!

Lots of Love & Sparkles-
The Sparkly Queen
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Em looking like a fly-honey! How could a girl not say "Yes!"

Bush, Birkenstocks & Three Agents

I'm sure we've all seen it...the footage of George W. getting a pair of "size 10" Birkenstocks thrown at him. But today, it's not his swift reaction, the cautious lean he takes on after the attack, nor is it his total lack of cultural awareness that I want to discuss. Instead, I would like to bring you some inside conversation from Secret Service Agents #00 , #93, and #69. These are the three guys stationed behind the door to the left of the President. Check them out...

Secret Service Agent #00: "Duuude, I can't believe they pulled me from the mailroom for this shit. Hey...hey...pass me that doobie."

Secret Service Agent #93: "I know right?! So lame. When they asked me if I wanted more action with Bush...well let's just say I thought I was gettin' a new job with the interns."

Secret Service Agent #69: "Ha...you said, 'bush'."

Secret Service Agent #00: Taking a hit, "Hey...did you see that on the monitor...a shoe! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah (pause for fit of coughing) hahahahahahahahaha!" Takes another hit.

Secret Service Agent #93: "Ahhh snap...there goes another one. Guess we better get out there. Wait...don't they put bombs in shoes and shit?"

Secret Service Agent #69: "I think we should....wait....no I remember....Bush should...wait....hahahaha....I said, 'Bush'."

Secret Service Agent #00: Peeking through the crack in the door, "Wait for it....wait for it....ok, they got him...NOW!"

Secret Service Agent #93: Busting through the door, "How did I look? Bad-ass right? Did you see how I kicked the door open? Man that was so T-U-F tough."

Secret Service Guy #00: Looking around, "Wait...what are we supposed to be doing."

Secret Service Agent #69: "Hey...wait up you guys. Whoa...did you all know this room was even in here?! Shit! It's the fuckin' president! I'm totally gettin' his autograph!"

Looking Sexy

Can I just say that, whenever I visit my blog, the picture in the post below frightens me...a lot.

Snow in Houston and Other Miracles

After four full days of of being trapped inside the hell-hole of my head, I am finally back. Tuesday morning I called Dr. "P" and told him of my misery.

"Yeah, Dr. "P" I'm feelin' real cray-cray and apparently gassy."

We increased the Celexa to 60mg, and by about 9:00 P.M. I started to notice a difference. Then today, at approximately 1:39 P.M., during Days of Our Lives I sort of woke-up...the fog was lifted. I was no longer watching my life from some distant place inside of myself. No more withdrawals. Of course nothing is perfect, I am somewhat hyperactive and still can't stop eating despite the never-ending irritation that is my tummy-ache...but all in all things are good. I am happy and totally present.

Me in reality. Present. Happy.

In addition, it is SNOWING here in Houston! And not that piddly-ass-sleet shit that folks around here like to call "snow", but real, legitimate, stick-to-your-car-and-eyelashes, fluffy flakes of snow. It is like a miracle! Makes me want to run through my apartment complex like Tiny Tim on crack yelling, "Merry Christmas One and All...even that girl in apartment #45!" But in an effort to avoid arrest, I will just quietly thank The Baby Jesus for the miracles of Dr. "P", Celexa, Texas Snow, giving Em the will to stick it out and for saving me before I lost anymore brain cells trying to understand how Patrick became Brady on Days of Our Lives.

"Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!"
P.S. That white car is in the controversial parking spot of apt. #45. You know we almost threw-down, but she was too scared. I think she could sense that I took one semester of Hopkido freshman year of college. I'm just sayin'.

The Red Rabbit frolicking in the snow. She is cold but very happy!

The view of our upstairs window through the falling Houston Snow.

Attempt #1 at a self-portrait. Apparently still gassy.

Attempt #2. Whatever, I was having fun!

Ok, I'm totally tapped out.
Until next time...Peace, Love, and Hair-Grease~

The Sparkly Queen

One more thing...the word "frolicking" has the word "lick" in it. Awesome...am I right?! (You know you wanna chest-bump me.)

Thanksgiving is a Time for Song

And now a Thanksgiving Day song just for you:

Gobble-Gobble who is that?

Mr. Turkey big and fat.

Gobble-Gobble what does he say?

"Eat me on Thanksgiving Day!"

OK, so it actually goes "meet me" instead of "eat me", but I just don't feel that it has that same ring. Or maybe it is supposed to be, "meat me." Hmmmm....the important questions in life.

Another thing that this little ditty has me thinking about...the word "Gobble." Is it a coincidence that the sound we attach to a turkey is also (according to Dictionary.com) defined as:

gobble

verb, -bled, -bling.
–verb (used with object)
1. to swallow or eat hastily or hungrily in large pieces; gulp.
2. to seize upon eagerly (often fol. by up): After being gone for so long, they gobbled up all the local news. –verb (used without object)
3. to eat hastily.

I think not. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

Love -
The Sparkly Queen