Confessions of a Sparkly Queen

As we learned last week, I am a "love addict". In addition to this so called love addition, I am also addicted to GUILT. I feel guilty about everything! Didn't let someone cut in front of me in heavy traffic...GUILT. Forgot to say "I love you" before hanging up the phone with Papaw...GUILT. Don't have any chedda' to tip the valet guy, but valet is the only parking option...GUILT. Listen to one CD more than another...GUILT. You see the pattern. So, this morning as I used my blow-dryer I was inspired by this guilt. Why not just put everything (OK...not everything) I have done out there and be done with it. So these are my confessions . Feel free to click the link if you want to rock out to Usher while you read. This will have a much more dramatic effect. Somewhat like a montage.

CONFESSIONS of a GUILT ADDICT

1. Sometimes I smoke a cigarette when I am stressed.
   
   



2. Sometimes I smoke a clove when I feel the need to smoke something else.





3. Sometimes I smoke something else.





4. Every morning when I get out of the shower I blow dry my hoo-hoo. This is something that I suggest everyone try.





5. When I was 8, I accidentally cut my brother's lip (he was 2) when I jerked a toy saxophone away from him. I hid with him in the basement, until he stopped crying so I wouldn't wake up my mom.





6. I don't always brush my teeth, and I never wash my face before bed.





7. In 9th grade I cheated on Dave DeBoard with Jerry Faber. Yes...we kissed, but it was way sloppy and gross.





8. Speaking of 9th grade, Justin "Somebody" felt me up in the hallway before school.





9. I cuss like an ex- sailor who was just made someones prison-bitch.





10. Occasionally I watch straight porn.





11. Occasionally I watch girl on girl porn. It is still straight porn. I don't know a single lesbian who eats pussy like that or fucks while wearing 3 inch fire-engine-red Lee Press On nails.





12. I snuck a McDonald's cheeseburger everyday during the last 6 months that I was a vegetarian. Except for that week when Wendy's had the Carolina Classic ( I couldn't resist the chilli and cole-slaw that was slathered on top).





13. I identify as a Christian, but I don't know what I believe anymore. I am too afraid of burning in hell to not believe in anything.





14. I cheated on a math test my senior year of High School.





15. Once, when my mother wouldn't get out of bed, I threw a lamp at her. Well actually at the wall over her head. She didn't move.





16. In middle school I found weed in my dad's pocket. I hid it in the house and watched him frantically search for it the next morning.





17. I used to go through my dad's pockets.





18. and my mom's purse.





19. I blog when I should be working.





20. Twice I snuck my high-school boyfriend in my room while my parents were downstairs.





21. I will use anything as a toothpick. The corner of a TV Guide works best.





22. In college, I once ate 2 McDonalds value meals then went home and had dinner so no one would know.





23. I only wear 3 pairs of jeans because I refuse to buy another pair in my current size. I wash them once a week.





24. I worry that bad things will happen when an odd number is involved; thus, this is number twenty-four. Just to be safe.