In Memory of Our Dirty-Word Poetry Magnets

Emily and I have decided that since we are getting married it is time to move on to the next phase of our lives...you know the one...the more mature phase where we go to bed at 9pm, start wearing granny-panties, and get rid of the dirty-word poetry magnets on our fridge. Ahhh...how I will miss the endless hours spent staring at the fridge in my thong, late at night, writing filthy poetry. Here are just a few of my favorites.

ODE TO EMILY

YOU SAY PENIS - I SAY VAJAY-JAY

THE HOO-HOO

THE ORAL EXAM

STRAPPING IT ON

Oh...dirty-word poetry magnets....

Random Bits and Favors

My mom's surgeon called this morning at 7:00 am...no cancer. With those words my chest got a little lighter. Today is a really good day. I feel a little more free to continue and enjoy my life and more prepared to get things back on track. Trust me, there is a lot to get back on track..

Wedding preparations

Packing for our move on May 28

Facilitation of a new staff training

Conference calls

Checking-in with my staff members

Getting ready to leave for and help run the 8 week 24/7 training that I have worked all year to prepare for

Working out with my trainer

My health, diet, and weight (so tired of bitching about this one)

Hunting the lizard in our apartment

Getting my tan on...

The list goes on, but even at this point I am bored with myself. Anyways...speaking of the wedding, we finally landed on a favor for the the guests. Beautiful glass wine stoppers from http://www.beau-coup.com/. I really think they will be the perfect gift given that my future mother-in-love will be preparing a 5 course dinner w/ wine pairings. I know...she is super-fabulous.

Hide & Seek

I am still in hiding. Today I am hiding from the doctor...oh and my personal trainer. I am supposed to call his office today for my mom's test results (the doctor's...not the personal trainer's.) I totally do not feel ready. Not that my readiness has any impact at all on the cancer that may or may not be inside of my mother.

I am not ready to hear that it is in fact cancer, but I'm also not prepared to hear that it is not. No...I do not wish for my mother to have cancer, but what I do want is an answer for her deterioration that goes beyond the drug use. I need for her suffering and my mourning to stop...I need an ending. I am constantly mourning the loss of my mother, and the reality is that I lost her a long time ago. I need to stop hiding in this dark mourning dress. When I finally do make it through the layers of black silk and french netting what will I find? According to my personal trainer a pretty hot bod...that is, if I'd stop hiding from him. But beyond the string bikini....will I find relief...happiness...comfort...myself?

The Day After Mother's Day

When things get too difficult, I tend to hide...even from my blog it seems. My mom is really sick again. She is down to 80 lbs, so frail and had surgery on Tuesday. An ulcer ruptured on her esophagus causing bacteria to leak into her chest cavity. In short, she had to have her esophagus removed, and we are waiting to here if it is cancer. Em and I spent last week in Indiana with my mom in the hospital. Today is our first day back to work, which is difficult. It was so hard to leave her behind. She was so scared and still confused about what was going on. So that's the update. Didn't this blog used to be funny...or a least a little bit funny?

In the spirit of funny...this always makes me laugh.